dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
