god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
