Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You've changed since you got that strap on
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
