I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
