I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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