where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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