i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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