k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
