Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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