my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
