there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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