I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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