Do you still have your period?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
