You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
