So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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