Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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