How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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