Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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