So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
