better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A bitchslap is in order.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
