Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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