just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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