Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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