he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
