so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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