WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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