also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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