the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
