Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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