69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
