Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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