you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
