I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
