DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
