you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
