He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize