no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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