I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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