Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
