Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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