her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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