Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
