I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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