Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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