I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
