i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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