If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
