Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
