Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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