I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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