Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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