you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
