I think my vagina is haunted
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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