hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
