That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
