there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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