SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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