Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
