remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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