D3 body, D1 cock
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
