okay pat passed out under dana's car
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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