the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
