yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
