so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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