I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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