By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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