I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
