Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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