No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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