I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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