I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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