I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
