This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
