i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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