drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
