Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
