I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
