Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
