Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
